Frustrated.tv

Yep – these pretty much sum it up.  No pension for me when I hit retirement age.   It’ll all be spent by then.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied, “just two years older than me.” “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented, to which she responded, “I know, hardly worth going home, is it?”

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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

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I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancerand diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. “Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart?” “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”

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My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

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It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

“Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her a bit of crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.”

Halfway through another week…interviewed at a place called the Staye House yesterday for my first bartending job in 19 years, then class last night.  So it was kind of a bartendery day.   Aside from that, 3° today, 5° yesterday.  Mildest winter I think I’ve ever seen.

Have a happy hump day

Dumb, Dumber & Dumbest AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
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Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, “Please come out and give yourself up.”
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An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
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A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

Busy job hunting…so here’s  a chuckle to keep any of you still visiting busy.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she
should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out
later who you’re stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET  MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person
FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE
MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether
they seem to be yelling at the same kids…
- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don’t want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (who says boys do not have brains)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS GOING BADLY?

(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they’re rich.
- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to
mess with that.
- Curt, age 7 (good point)

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do…
- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10

Okay, so I’m a couple o days behind schedule.  Not like I’m getting paid to keep track of what day it is right now…

So – Happy Caturday!

So yesterday wifey and I took off to go a see a movie! Novel concept eh? Married people getting out and having fun (lolz).

Daughter loves it when we go out cuz she gets the house to herself. No Mom/Dad to bug her, nag her and to make sure she does her homeschooling work. We love it cuz we don’t have any kids to bug/nag and we don’t have to worry about her getting her work done – she always does by the time we get back.

Went to see From Paris With Love.  Wifey’s a big Johnny fan (no, not Travolta, the OTHER Johnny in the movie (think Tudors)) and I just like hanging out with her.   The movie was in no danger of being an oscar nominee, but neither was it in any way a bad movie.  Good action, clean plot with only a minor twist, the odd thing blowing up, people getting shot, car chases and absolutely no “it was all just a dream” ending.  (I hate those types of movies).   And after a mere 1hr32mins my arse wasn’t asleep in the chair.

Bonus – $10.00 for both of us to get in.  Though it’s hardly $2.00 Tuesdays like we had in the olden days (lol), it still beats $13.50 a ticket full fare.

Ahh the joys of self(un)employment.

Cheers and Happy Hump Day

Not quite the same when you’re in between contracts, but I still hates them.  I still can’t sleep in..unless I go to bed a 4:00am, then I sleep til 10:00. Ooooo.

So the teachers Union have given their strike edict and now nobody knows what’s going on.  My professor had no clue if part time/evening courses were even going to be affected…guess I’ll wait and find out tomorrow.  Not like the school is communicating to the students…

I hate Mondays

On a positive note, Monday 9:30 and I have 2 interviews lined up this week already.  No word on last week’s.  One was a complete waste of time and the other I kinda hope I get, and kinda hope not.  Perm position with benefits and vacation that allows me to do at least some work from home…but the pay is nothing like consultant pay.

Ahhhh…Mondays.

I Don't Like Mondays

Hope y’all have a good week.

Friday indeed.  Even when yer lookin for work its nice to make it to Friday.

Interview in 2 hours and its going down to -19° today.  Wheee!

The Official Canadian Temperature  Conversion Chart

50: Fahrenheit (100C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians plant gardens.

35: Fahrenheit (1.60C)
Italian cars won’t start.
Canadians drive with the windows down.

32: Fahrenheit (00C)
American water freezes.
Canadian water gets thicker.

0: Fahrenheit (-17.90C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60: Fahrenheit (-510C)
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100: Fahrenheit (-730C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-173: Fahrenheit (-1140C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.

-460: Fahrenheit (-2730C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying “Cold eh?”

-500: Fahrenheit (-2950C)
Hell freezes over.
The TorontoMaple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

You can form your own opinions.  Mine say “Shoot them all.”

Cick on the image below….