Friday Funny

SCHOOL — 1957 vs. 2010 – Scarily close to reality: but funny nonetheless.

Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up
buddies.

2010 – Police called, arrests Johnny and Mark.. Charge them with assault,
both expelled even though Johnny started it. Both children go to anger
management programs for 3 months. School board hold meeting to impliment
bullying prevention programs

Scenario:
Robbie won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.

1957 – Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best by the Principal.
Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2010 – Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD.
Robbie’s parents get fortnightly disability payments and School gets extra
funding from state because Robbie has a disability.

Scenario :
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping
with his belt.

1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college,
and becomes a successful businessman.

2010 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care
and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers
being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.

Scenario :
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 – Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with.

2010 – Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car
searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario :
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from Guy Fawkes, puts them in a
model airplane paint bottle, blows up a bull ant nest.

1957 – Ants die.

2010- State Police, Star Force, Federal Police & Anti-terrorism Squad
called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, Feds investigate parents,
siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny’s Dad goes on a
terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario :
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found
crying by his teacher, Mary . Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2010 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She
faces 3 years in Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

MrCrow on August 6th, 2010 | File Under InternetFinds | No Comments -

History Lesson

Where did Piss Poor come from?Interesting History
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery.  If you had to do this to survive you were “piss poor.”

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot, they “didn’t have a pot to piss in” and were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be.  Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.  However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.  Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.  The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children.  Last of all the babies.  By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.  Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!”

Houses had thatched roofs – thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath.  It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.  When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.  Hence the saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs.”

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.  This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed.  Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.  That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt.  Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.  Hence the saying, “Dirt poor.”  The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing.  As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside.  A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.  Hence:  a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.  Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot.  They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat.  They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.  Hence the rhyme:  Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.  When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.  It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat.”

Those with money had plates made of pewter.  Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death.  This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status.  Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or “the upper crust.”

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.  The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.  Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.  Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.  So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.  When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive…so they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.  Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered “a dead ringer.”

And that’s the truth!  Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

MrCrow on July 10th, 2010 | File Under InternetFinds | No Comments -

A Consultant’s Life

Cick on the image below….

MrCrow on February 3rd, 2010 | File Under InternetFinds | No Comments -

Happy Monday!

Well, it is for us unemployed. :D

Between contracts right now so here’s this week’s Internet Find.   Odee is a great site for inane objects of interest (and confusion, and sometimes disgust) that proliferate this great society of ours.

I’m a geek.  Likely have been since I was 11, but that’s debatable.   This is my favorite one of the above finds

Do you know how many times I get asked?

My second favorite is

if you don't know what a dbAdmin is, you won't get this

But that just REALLY proves who much of a geek I am.

Speaking of which, back to job hunting.   Interview for a contract on Wednesday so far….and got called about a potential permanent  position today.  So do I go with more money each month with definite vacations, or less money and a paycheque every 2 weeks – and my daughter’s braces covered by benefits..

MrCrow on February 1st, 2010 | File Under InternetFinds | No Comments -

Sunday Grab Bag

Today’s Grab Bag o Stuff

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Caturday – Started posting this yesterday. …will be a regular Saturday feature.  We’re all cat fans in our house.  The origins of Caturday.
(K – pics will return – for some reason I can’t insert images today….for now, laugh at these!
Happy Caturday!

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Internet Finds

  • Pizza Wierdness – bored with pepperoni cardboard pizza?  Try These! I’ve done the cheeseburger pizza, but the rest are…well…you decide.
  • Stupid Gadgets – man/woman ever say “nothing” when you ask for gift ideas?  Have a spouse/mate who has absolutely everything.  Bet they don’t have most of these…imagine the fun in public restrooms you could have with item#10,  “Fore!”
  • Tetris Reborn! – Warning, this game can be addictive….this version can also give you a headache…but it sure is unique!
  • Sears, 1934! – Mmm – gotta love the “comfy” ladies attire on page 12…Yay for evolution
  • Not content with looking like child-enslaving family crushing boobs, TLC is going into Kate for a 2nd helping!  I’m guessing she knows she and her kids are screwed so she might as well enjoy the ride…..though I suspect she was the one giving the rides at interview day with TLC.  They’re “giving her a show” but the Executive “Producer” didn’t know what “he was going to do with her yet”….egads.

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Friday Farkisms – usually on Fridays, purely for the alliteration.  The weeks favorite Fark-icles

(Daily Mail) Obvious Why beer is the latest hope in fight against cancer – ah beer – is there ANYthing you can’t do?  Now to find the answer to the real question left hanging by the article.  How much in a UNIT of beer?  Apparently I could be short of having the necessary 3-4 kegs a day!
(Some Nanny State) Dumbass Manitoba government tells teachers they can no longer penalize students for turning work in late. Good thing there are no such things as deadlines in the real world – Another fine example for Homeschoolers!
(My Fox DC) Interesting Half-ton pot stash washes ashore. Cops recover the 800 lbs.of marijuana and transport it to police station. Officials say the 400 lbs. have a street value of $500,000 and that once the investigation is complete all 100 lbs. will be destroyed in the 5lb incinerator tin behind Joe’s garage…

And Lastly – the weekly “AWwwww…” story (with video!) of the week just for wifey :D

Have a good week everyone.

MrCrow on January 17th, 2010 | File Under Farkisms, InternetFinds, Stupid People | No Comments -